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Turner Uncovers Our Secret: We’re Dumb Racists!

by on March 1, 2010

Take off your Klan hoods and pay attention, my fellow conservatives: we’re in trouble.  To wit, Douglas Turner has found us out.  It’s hard to get through The Buffalo News copy-churner’s columns, as his output is as boring as it is unpleasant.  But disregard how he’s a student of the Rod Watson School of Journalism, drink an iced cappuccino, and try to wade through his astounding exposé on the recent CPAC convention to find out the truth about participants.  Spoiler: those on the right are awful, and awfully prejudiced.

For one, Turner surely recognizes that those who want a limited government that focuses upon national defense merely see things a little differently than him, and that such disagreement is actually healthy.  Or not:

The Conservative Political Action Conference is as close as you can get to a skinhead convention in a nice hotel.

Yeah, that’s reasonable.  Turner’s assessment would serve as a revelation to people like, say, Allen West and Michael Williams.  As for us cracker redneck whiteys, we thought we disagreed with the president because he’s attempting to impose a far-left agenda based upon income redistribution, governmental involvement in countless aspects of life, and a weak foreign policy that doesn’t take threats seriously.  But Turner knows that it’s Obama’s complexion we don’t like:

Frothing at the mouth, has-beens like former Vice President Dick Cheney and former House Majority Leader Dick Armey, R-Texas, railed against the nation’s first black president.

If they’re has-beens, why not ignore them?  Perhaps the temptation to point out they dislike a president who happens to be black was too strong.  Plus, it served as one more chance for him to toss cheap insults, which might be considered his hobby:

Nasty wannabes like Sen. Jim DeMint, R-S. C., whined that President Obama is a “socialist” and said he governs “from a teleprompter.” Fox News’ Glenn Beck, a real skinhead, also wowed the 10,000 attendees last week.

An editor should have noticed that Turner called Beck a “skinhead” a sentence after referring to a U.S. senator as “nasty” for the crime of being a conservative.  But, as with the general public, maybe it was too painful for other News staffers to read entire paragraphs at a time.  The writer himself apparently failed to recognize the irony of his own spitefulness, which can’t surprise any poor soul who’s encountered his previous work.

It’s hard to pick out the most fun example of Turner’s ludicrous hyperbole.  Phrases he used to classify CPAC, such as “embarrassing idiocy” and “hypocritical plunderers,” are among my favorites.  That said, such characterizations pale in comparison to his summarizing claim that, “Republicans hope to harness these fears, suburban resentment against Obama’s overreach and, let’s face it, a measure of racial antagonism this November.”  That’s the winner, as it confirms Turner is the saddest type of journalist: a Keith Olbermann wannabe.  Should we similarly invite The Buffalo News hack to a Tea Party?  We can explain to him in person why he’s not very good at uncovering duplicity: 

Speakers auditioning at CPAC called for smaller government, more tax cuts and less spending. At the same time, Republican congressional leaders, who are now in the minority, are in the lead when requesting earmarks.

Does Turner realize that “Republican” and “conservative” aren’t synonyms?  Yes, it’s a rhetorical question.  It’s unfortunate Turner didn’t actually listen to Beck’s speech instead of lamely tossing accusations of supposed racial, racist racism.  If he had bothered to pay attention, he would have learned why the Fox News host thinks GOP officeholders have contributed to the mess precisely by not acting with fiscal restraint.

Turner should in fact be happy when Republican leaders spend like liberals.  But he’s too busy pointing out how much they totally hate minorities to notice.  He’s got interesting company.  Meanwhile, even the quick aside with which he closes his column deserves shredding:

Two great Obama moves last week: meeting with Tibet’s Dalai Lama over the ChiComs protests, and offering government help for nuclear power plants.

Turner failed to notice that the White House figuratively bowed to the “ChiComs” by insultingly steering His Holiness out the back door past a garbage pile.  I’d expect to be ushered through the back entrance if I visited the White House; of course, I’m not quite a spiritual leader.

And it seems that Turner can only get excited about nuclear power when the feds guarantee loans for the conglomerates.  Everyone’s aware of what government involvement does for the economy.   On the other hand, letting the industry compete in the free market is probably racist for some reason.

It will just be more of the same.  We’ve given up hoping that the News will ever strive for genuine editorial balance.  But at least they could deploy liberal columnists who stick to policy disagreements.  Instead, the rag features the rantings of a sad, demonstrably hateful little man who accuses anyone dissenting from his leftist views of being a diabolical, treacherous, swastika-wearing caveman obsessed with hating the president solely because he looks different than the previous presidents.  And Turner thinks CPAC patrons are fearfully intolerant?

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One Comment
  1. Liberal hacks have a template that is as pathetic as it is revealing. Since they can not debate the issues they attack imaginary enemies… Not so much Don Quixote as it is The Pit and the Pendulum.

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