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No Work for Fireworks

by on July 1, 2011

Soon-to-be-wed homosexuals will still be subject to innumerable constraints in New York State. It’s going to be a brutal challenge for newlyweds to acquire a gun to defend themselves.

Couples who want to start a business will sadly learn that the process is nearly as daunting as the one to obtain a pistol permit. And the proverbial dual grooms are going to get socked for brutal taxes that fund endless entitlements and countless state drones’ salaries.

We and they don’t get to have seasonal fun, either. Just like us, gay New Yorkers who intend to marry can’t fire Roman candles to celebrate Independence Day. The state’s irksomely joyless fireworks ban casts a pall over America’s birthday by reminding us of just how little fun we’re legally permitted to have.

Once again, those in the monochromatic Empire State will have spend the Fourth feeling jealous of the 92 percent of states that allow private citizens to fill the warm skies over this greatest of nations with a glorious palette of colors. Watching lit matches burn down to pinched fingers isn’t quite as inspiring, but that’s about the limit of fun here.

The lectures are even less exciting. This is the weekend when local news viewers endure sheriffs holding press conferences maintaining that booms are bad.

The highlight of the lowly attempt to justify the pesky interdiction is when they inevitably play to news cameras by cramming an M-80 in a dummy’s hand, lighting it, and watching the plaster shatter. It’s the closest most residents get to seeing an amateur fireworks show.

But at least such displays by law enforcement provide information. Wait: a quarter-stick of dynamite could hurt you if you don’t let go after lighting? Jeez. Next they’ll warn us that, no matter how tasty it may be, licking the grill after making ribs could prove painful.

What our self-appointed nannies never accept is that anyone stupid enough to play recklessly with pyrotechnics deserves to lose a limb chunk, not to mention that anyone who possesses said stupidity is going to eventually harm himself whether fireworks are available or not. Steak knives and Zippos are presumably next to be taken away.

We’re being kept safe from potential harm that doesn’t harm that frequently. Fireworks-related injuries have decreased as usage has increased,and not just thanks to dumbasses removing themselves from the gene pool. More importantly, perhaps educated users are enjoying products that get safer through the years, although that would require admitting that the free market works.

Living life on our terms embodies our values. Even how we celebrate is awesome. Americans recognize the singularly glorious nature of our nation with goodies like barbeque, lager, and a day spent hanging out with pals in the yard. Most patriots also possess the opportunity to create pretty airborne eruptions, ignite explosions loud enough to be heard at a Ted Nugent concert, and launch rockets’ red glare to symbolically represent that our flag is still there.

But those who feel pride in both this state and nation even when policies they dislike become law are denied the right to celebrate properly, namely by blowing up stuff. The fireworks prohibition is just one of innumerable infringements experienced every day in New York State. In that way, its chief function is as a reminder.

Most enjoyable things are accompanied by at least some possibility of danger. But New York State typically answers “No” for us. Residents can’t fairly set what level of risk is personally fine for them in a state that bans freaking sparklers. We may get to light them, someday, if Andrew Cuomo feels like we should.

Reducing freedom is a way of life here, unless you count the freedom to unilaterally redefine words like “marriage.” Albany celebrates Independence Day by keeping its residents from properly celebrating Independence Day.

We don’t get to do something neat on a date reserved for America-centered merriment. Why should it be different than any other day of the year?

Cross-posted at

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