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The Frozen Food Section

by on June 12, 2012

Every job has its challenges. Toiling in a restaurant means hours that coincide with when most people are usually done for the day, while being president presently means having to take time between golf rounds to risibly claim everything is just fine and also blame an impossibly shoddy performance on the last chair-filler. It almost makes you want to live off a trust fund instead of working.

But some jobs hinge upon the vagaries of climate, and not just the guy who tries to sell you a fancier car wash at Delta Sonic. Most notably, farmers know that the weather is going to affect their work performance based on where the corn and cows spend most of their time, namely outdoors.

Remarkably, a few people still act surprised when Mother Nature throws a hissy fit over their work. The surprisingly non-hardy farmers make sure that inclement conditions which affect their output becomes the government’s problem, which means it’s yours, too:

New York State farmers will finally get a little help after the devastating effects of this spring’s freeze.

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) rallied Washington to grant disaster aid to Upstate New York farmers.

The request was granted today by the United States Department of Agriculture.

Farmers who suffered damage due to the unexpected weather conditions will obtain emergency loans to help offset the lost production.

“Unexpected weather” is at least partly a redundancy unless your farm is equipped with a flux capacitor. At the same time, there is consistency from season to season, which you may have noticed unless you are an anti-science zealot who hates patterns. But the important thing is that something chillingly unpleasant occurred in the skies, which means someone has to pay: 

In the wake of weather-related damage to local fruit crops, state Sen. Cathy Young, R-C-I-Olean, said she has made progress obtaining a federal disaster relief declaration, and has introduced a bill to provide tax credits to farmers faced with crop losses.

Sen. Young organized 22 other senators to ask Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s help for growers across the state whose crops were damaged by freezing temperatures. As a result, Cuomo has sent a letter to the U.S. Department of Agriculture asking for a disaster declaration.

So, New York’s farmers couldn’t cope with freezing temperatures. In their defense, they may be new to the area and unfamiliar with the way the weather is every freaking year. Speaking of people who have no clue how the world works, a notoriously huge spender of what’s in your wallet simply had to jump in and make sure someone else has to cough up cash in response to the chilliness:

Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., also expressed his support for the bill.

“An unseasonably warm winter gave way to deep freezes that left our fruit farmers in a rut, but help is now on the way. After talking with grape, apple, cherry and other farmers, I immediately went to bat with USDA because it was clear our farmers needed help. This aid and these loans will go a long way toward helping our farmers weather the tough season, and I’m hopeful they’re going to bounce back in no time.”

Much like how the economy acts in defiance of Chuck Nasty’s wishes, the thermometer didn’t do what the farmers wanted. So, taxpayers must be held accountable:

After a winter of record high temperatures, many crops on New York farms blossomed earlier than usual. Many of these crops were then exposed to early spring freezing temperatures, and were destroyed as a result.

Even if you chose indoor work, you’re bailing out those burdened with frozen bales. The alternative, namely that growers cope with unideal temperatures as part of the business, would make people too rugged for Washington’s taste, especially given the poor quality of what’s farmed there.

If tractor operators wanted to protect themselves, they could find private insurers to cover them in times of frost. You city slickers and suburban dwellers are also welcome to contribute to a farmers’ relief fund if you feel bad about bad breaks, although you could just pay resulting higher food prices and be done with it. This planet screws us all.

Politicians who have doctored the economic climate are here to coddle you through every calamity, including ones that are not the fault of humans. That said, the beggars in question can be blamed for turning to the government every time it’s not 70 degrees and sunny. And the politicians who subsidize what should be part of the business do far more damage than any relatively mild natural calamity.

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